Sex: The Birds, The Bees and The Hornets


Sex has always been the most provocative topic of discussion, only to be rivaled by that of religion and politics. There has always been a taboo mystique surrounding the often controversial attachments that will assuredly come out when sex is discussed in an open forum, as well as, behind the walls of token privacy. There was a time when 42nd Street illuminated with the aura of Babylon and was often thought to be a playground for the perverse and the demonized. Any man or woman who acted outside the insulated theory of “traditional sex” was considered hedonistic and the devoid to that of divine standard. They were considered “freaks” due to their explorative nature regarding pushing the limits of societal boundaries as it relates to sexual intercourse. Is it sin or is it lust? The answer to that age-old question still remains unresolved and will continue to remain unresolved because of personal preferences based on parenting, religion and an individual’s core desires. I have always been open about the subject matter because I feel that closed doors, albeit they provide sheltered protection, can also creates exclusion. Exclusion, in turn, can result in alienation; thus making ample room for uneducated theories and ideologies to fester and evolve. I am way too flawed to deal in the absolute and say with no uncertainty what is just or sacrilegious. I have seen sinners repent and I have also seen supposed agents for God commit acts that would tarnish the Holy Grail. My theory has always been “Your God, Your Way”, as ones belief system cannot be a campaign for another person’s candidacy. What is right and what is wrong has and forever will be an interpretive perception. This mantra on sexual decorum comes on the cusp of an educational moment I had with my budding nephew, who is approaching the age of thirteen. The subject of dating became the focus of our “fatherly type” session, as he is now entering into the fog ridden bliss of having admiration for the opposite sex. He met a young girl his age, who somehow managed to grab his attention more than his newly acquired PS3 (talk about real power). Somehow an agreed upon, chaperoned date evolved out of this chance meeting, thus resulting in a supposed movie date. Please keep in mind for pure edification purposes, that I am a surrogate uncle/father figure due to the early passing of my nephew’s real father, so the date was made between his mother and the girl’s mother. I am a bit hypocritical with early dating, albeit, I did start at an early age myself. I just realize from my own past discretion how much energy and emotions are involved when putting a relationship at the forefront of your teenage wonder years. I think it places you into an adult mindset long before adulthood arrives, hence why I had to converse with my nephew on what I term as the “The Birds, The Bees and The Hornets”. When attempting to educate my nephew about the nuances of the male anatomy and arousal perspectives and the cause and effects of choice, I reflected back to the “talk” with my mother. There was no elicit coaxing of “there comes a time” cliché or “when you think you are thinking about what I’m thinking about, go ask your father” redirection. No, my mother was never a mixer of words and was never quite “PC” about anything. It was on our front step, the darkness had set in and in true form she stated to me (edited version): “You don’t got s**t, don’t bring home s**t, because I’m not taking care of no babies and you won’t be embarrassing me”. Yup, no need for an interpreter at that point, message was received loud and clear. Amazing how directness tends to eliminate stupidity, however, in recognizing the “it’s a different generation” theorists, I broached my nephew with a sugar and a dash of pepper concept as opposed to the bottle of hot sauce my mother sprinkled on my Frosted Flakes. I inquired about what he perceived dating as and what it entailed. I then talked to him about urges and hormones; arousal and the acts that can follow when they can become stimulated. But most importantly I talked to him about respect, not only for the person he’s interested in, but also respecting himself. Often times the pressure surrounding young men is that they should be fruitful and continue to harvest. I told my nephew that it’s ok to not be ready as it doesn’t make you less of a man, it just makes you the man you want to be known as. I was pleased to hear him understand etiquette, as he acknowledged (he took very good notes when I was talking to his older sister) that he found it fitting that his date gets introduced to his family (yup he’s 12 mind you) because it’s the right thing to do when you begin seeing someone. He even thought it to be only right to call the girl’s mother to confirm and ask if she could drop his date off at a certain time. It floored me hear the responsibility flow from a younglings mouth, as it is refreshing to hear that he understands the concepts of courtship, respectability and also the code of being a gentleman. I’m not sure if my advise was sound enough, as well as, I’m not sure what is appropriate given his age. The point of this blog is to bring to the forefront the advanced mindset of this generation and what is the best applicable techniques that can be utilized to not only educate them, but to also promote positive, cognizant decision-making. I have always subscribed to telling the truth versus shielding to protect. For the longest time sex was equivalent to that of the Boogeyman, as parents made it appear to be an ugly act that should be avoided and never entertained as an option. I have stated that this technique works, right up until the time that a young person entertains intimacy, only to find out that sex is actually great. I follow-up by saying that its great and wonderful, however it is not meant to be shared like air with just anyone and that there is a heavy, adult burden that comes with being irresponsible while committing the act. If you don’t want a baby, then stop practicing to make one; it is just that simple. Strangely enough, I had a friend who wisely advised me that pregnancy may not be the worst thing to come home with these days, given the issues of the A.I.D.S. epidemic. What I do know is that we need to be educated on the times we live in. The societal pressures and advanced thinking of this computerized gas chamber, has the youth encased in room surrounded by reinforced glass. It is our jobs as adults to have the necessary tools available when it’s time to reach them and break them out of this misguided, mental prison. #in case of emergency break glass

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